hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
