He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
