Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
