Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
