it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
