Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
