3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
