i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
