the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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