i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
last night I used snow as a chaser
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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