8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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