is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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