Little spoons don't ask big questions
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
