Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
