Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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