I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
