ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
