When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i've created a new STD.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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