i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
