you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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