I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
