so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
