broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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