I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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