My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My cat gives me a boner
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
