I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
