How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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