I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
