Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
