ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
