How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
