Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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