lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
