your thong is hanging out like whoa
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't turn off my feet"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
