Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
