so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
