he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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