i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
