I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
