Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize