um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
