i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wear drunk well.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
