He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize