You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
