I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
