he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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