xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize