pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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