I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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