He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
