I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
