i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
