I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
