belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
