he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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