I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
