Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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