Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
