I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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