Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
