if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
